Climbing Stairs & None Existant Memory

So since being told I have Chronic Fatigue/ME, I've been trying to follow the advice of my Doctor & pacing myself. Trying being the key word in that sentence.

I've trying to do this, not only on days when I go out, but when I'm hanging out at home doing YouTube stuff.  At these times, I'll plan ahead & make sure that everything I need from downstairs, is brought up all in one go.  Wearing a big hoodie with a front pouch really helps accomplish this, especially when transporting my gadgets around the house & carrying a cup of Tea & things to munch on! Obviously the gadgets go in the pouch leaving my hands free for the Tea & munchies!

Although this method does work out well... most...OK... some of the time... I've found there's a huge failing that I hadn't considered... that of my memory!  My memory was already bad due to having Anaemia & an Under active Thyroid but add in the Chronic Fatigue & my short term memory is becoming a memory in itself!

For example, the other day (I say other day because I can't actually remember what day it happened on, I just remember what happened - which is kind of a miracle!)  I was setting up my little video editing space in my room, which basically consists of my two favourite pillows, (which normally live downstairs on my footstool, because that's usually where I edit) my laptop (obviously) a giant cup of Tea (I'm British, to not drink Tea is treason!) my phone, iPod & DSi (these are essential items as they help fill exporting & uploading times!)  Oh & my bed to put my pillows & laptop on, I don't work well at a desk.

Now I already had my phone & DSi next to my bed. so I trot off downstairs to get my iPod, thinking I'll plug it into my laptop so it can carry on charging (it was plugged into the Wii before that)  After climbing the stairs, I head into my room, pop it on the side, then realise I haven't got the wire.  So off I trot again, back downstairs to get said wire.  Back up the stairs & in my room, putting wire next to iPod.  I then stand for a few moments & realise I need my pillows!  So trotting again down the stairs (don't actually trot downstairs children, you'll hurt yourself!) instead of going into the living room where my pillows live, I got caught up in the gravitational pull of the kettle & made myself a cup of Tea & got a slice of Melon as I was feeling sick & have been told to eat little & often (which I HATE having to do!)

Then, yes you've guessed it, I headed back up stairs, not trotting as I didn't want to spill my Tea! I pop my Tea down, get nice & cosy on my bed to munch my Melon & remember again that I need my pillows & that they are downstairs!  By this point I'd been down & up the stairs so many times that I'd loss count & I had no more trot left in me!  I went down, got my pillows, grumbling all the while at myself & my stupid memory.  I then stand at the bottom of the stairs & look up... I swear I felt as though I was looking up at Mount Everest!  Well OK maybe my stairs aren't as high as the highest mountain in the world, but you get the idea.  They looked like an impossible task for me to climb!

It took me quite a while to climb those stairs, taking one at time because the aching restless legs feeling had kicked in making my legs feel like lead weights, but I made it.  I put those stupid pillows on my bed, put my laptop on them & then just laid on the bed, eating my melon until I finally had strengthen enough to begin editing whatever video I needed to get done that day.  Oh the plight of the Chronic Fatigue memory failing YouTuber!

Over the past few years, I've accepted (wow took a moment to remember how to spell that word!) that my memory isn't what it used to be & if it takes a number of trips up & down the stairs then so be it.  But what I'm now having to get use to is, the fact stairs are going to be an issue on some days, those days being the really bad ones, the ones where even my duvet feels too heavy to lift, let alone trying to left my legs my to navigate stairs!

The first time I realised this was a couple weeks ago.  I'd been out two days in a row & had done quite a bit of walking, granted it was a slow paced walk but we're talking around two hours of walking almost each of these two days. I had somehow managed to get up & get downstairs to feed myself & then I wanted to head back to my room & just shut myself away for the remainder of the day (well until I needed to eat & drink again)  I hobbled to the bottom of the stairs, looked at them & just began to cry!  I sat myself on the bottom step & there I stayed for a while, crying & thinking maybe moving house & getting a Bungalow (which I don't want to do) would be a good idea after all!

You'll be happy to know, I did eventually make it upstairs, grumbling at myself for stupidly over doing it the two days previous & for crying.  I don't cry! I'm like a Vulcan (nerdy geeky Star Trek reference) I'm usually in full control of my emotions at all time.  Until my exhaustion gets the better of me & in which case, all I want to do is bawl!  Kinda like today.

Yeah today is not a good day.  I, again, over did it yesterday & am aching all over & fighting to stay awake.  I've been so use to just getting on with things that slowing down is hard & I'm trying to listen to my body but I'm not fully understanding what it's saying yet.  So until I do, I'm going to have to have days where I just drink my Tea, cuddle my Cats & in general do nothing.  I'm thinking I may try & get use to having baths, as I think you may be picking up, I don't really truly know how to relax & I know relaxation time can be a huge help in recovering from Chronic Fatigue.  So that's something I'll be working on along with getting the hang of this whole pacing myself & not making unnecessary trips up & down the stairs!

Speaking of stairs, I'm off to get something to eat & some more Tea.  Then I think I'll watch more Katers17 Vlogs, as they cheer me up no end & I need that today.

So I guess now, all that's left to say is...


Lo xxx