Today's post is going to explain how a HUG of all things can actually HURT me now!
My Doctor when diagnosing me with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/ME asked if I was experiencing any pain, aching or had any tender spots on my body that hurt when touched. My answer was not really, but when I next see her, I'll be telling her different!
The months before my diagnosis, I'd noticed I was getting feelings of weakness & aching in my arms & legs. I would struggle to open a jar, pick up something that wasn't really that heavy & would end up with pains in my legs so bad that I would have to either put the object down or sit down! I noticed this a lot when I picked up one of my Cats, who's not that heavy!
Since my diagnosis, the aching & pain has gotten worse. Everyday I feel a weird tingling in my legs, I'd say most of the times I can still walk OK & get on with what I need to do. However, there are days, when walking is just an effort & on those days, my entire body just hurts & I don't know where to put myself!
It's on these days, that I try & stay away from everyone because I don't want them to see me this way because I'm STILL getting use to BEING this way! The only problem with this plan is, that sometimes I have somewhere I want to go & though I'm feeling fed up with myself & in pain, I actually want to get out, though I make sure I don't walk around or do too much because that can make the pain worse.
Now that also seems like a good plan, however, there's one factor that I always somehow forget... A lot of the people I know & am normally around like to HUG their friends! Now I've never been a big fan of being hugged, mainly as I have such a low immune system that I never like to get too close to people, especially when someone hugs me & THEN tells me they've got a cold & then a few weeks laters, I'm still trying to get rid of the cold they'd given me! Yep that has happen to me numerous times! My friends love sharing so much that they even share their germs!
I swear sometimes living in a bubble would be a great idea; as long as it had fixtures for me to have Tea & Toast everyday & access to WiFi of course so I could still post here & waste time on YouTube all day! Not that I do that a lot...
In the past I've tried my best to either avoid people I know are going to grab me & then hug & kiss me or in the nicest way possible way tell people not to hug me. But sometimes I think no matter how nicely you put something like that across, you know telling them how concerned for your health you are, people just take the huff & are offended because they just don't understand!
The problem I have now though is that I'm not just scare of catching someones cold by being hugged anymore...
I'm scared of how much PAIN I'll be in when they touch me! I'm finding some days, even the slightest touch, like someone just touching my arm or putting a hand on my shoulder to get my attention really HURTS!
I know if people knew, they'd probably/hopefully understand but still how on earth do you tell someone not to touch you? Maybe I should carry a sign saying "Fragile! Do Not Touch!"?
I do my best to hide it but I'm such a wuss & really don't deal with pain very well. So although I'm sure I hide it quite well, I do find that I will wince at times. I'm hoping over time I'll pluck up the courage to tell people & the hugging will stop...
Well what I'm really hoping for is the pain going away but I know I'm going to have to struggling on with that for a while yet.
If anyone reading this has CFS/ME & has any suggestions on coping with the pain please leave me a comment, I'd love some advice.
Overall, I don't think I'm doing too bad with dealing with this thing, though I'm not having the best of weeks so far, mainly due to the fact that I should have been going to The Horse of the Year Show this week & because of my CFS/ME I haven't been able to go & it's killing me because I haven't missed for 5 years!
So I'm going to drown my sorrows in yummy comfort food this weekend (including my treat of ham sandwiches & chips - my HOYS Hilton Room Service Treat!) & hopefully be able to pick myself up & get on with being positive once again about this whole situation.
I'm vlogging this Friday, so look out for that over the weekend too on my YouTube channel.
But I guess for now all that's left to say is...