So on the 23rd of February I experienced what was my first "crash" & no I'm talking about a car accident! I'm talking about a M.E/CFS Crash! Full body & brain!
It's my own silly silly fault, the two weeks previous I had basically been on the go, nipping out, having visitors, driving, staying up a little late, emptying the dishwasher, hoovering my room, making dinner & going to a social event. Basically, I was trying to live a life that I simply cannot live right now due to my illness but silly me forgot that & have pretty much spent the past 3 weeks housebound!
One reason for this was that the one person who keeps me in line & stops me from doing too much had gone away for 3 weeks & so not having someone telling me not to do things & that I should be resting meant I got carried away with myself - I will never complain about told not to do something again that's for sure! Another reason is that I know I haven't fully accepted the life I've now got (I'm finding that hard to do) & I'm still wanting to lead a normal persons life (though physically impossible right now) I need to try to accept my new limitations, embrace them, learn from them & make the steady progress to recovery. I'm trying but I'm having a hard time getting myself to understand that acceptance doesn't mean giving up (I'm a pretty stubborn determined soul) it means knowing that you can't do anything the situation right now & learning how to live the new life you've got, well that's what I kinda understand it mean, for me anyways.
So yes back to the crash; worse experience I've had so far with this illness! My body & brain basically screamed ENOUGH!!! & when I say screamed, I really mean screamed! The past 3 weeks really made me realise just how sick I am because although I am fully aware of my symptoms everyday, I was acutely aware of them & have also experienced a new one which obvious was such joy! (Sarcasm sign!) I'll go into that in another post...
During the second week of my crash, I ended up getting a cold, which is obvious not good. My poor body was already dealing with so much & now had extra to deal with! So to say I felt rotten was kinda an understatement! For the most part I was pretty much was on my own for the first two weeks, in my room just laying on my bed breathing (or at least trying to thanks to the blocked nose I had!) One of my friends did visit a couple of times, bringing me hot chocolate, flowers & vitamin C tablets! During one of these visits I was able to provide said friend with much amusement due to my very squeaky voice! Well at least someone found my misery amusing!
Towards the end of the second week I began to pick up a bit & felt I was coming back to some normality (well my normality of being chronically ill anyways) But then I had a bit of a shock, (very personal & so won't bore you with the details) this lead to a very me being very stressed & upset & so I ended up having another crash!
The pain this time was far worse & this crash wasn't from any over doing it on my part. This was from stress & emotional upset! I honestly felt like I'd down a bottle of poison & my body was screaming for help as it slowly died! I didn't realise I could feel any worse than I had the previous weeks but I was very wrong!
Actually in a way I was being poisoned by my own body - I've since learnt that when we experience stress, we actually don't breath correctly (though we not be totally aware of it) & because of this, we don't get completely rid of the carbon dioxide in our bodies & this then affects the cells in our muscles that help keep them relaxed. The build up of this toxin in our system then results in a great deal (total understatement there!) of pain! I'm now a lot more aware of my breathing now & have found that breathing deeply through the pain, really does help ease it, well at least until it comes again.
Thankfully as I write this now, I am feeling a lot better. My main support system is now home too, which is a huge help & I've never been happier to hear the words "don't you do that!" I'm feeling less stressed as well which is a huge help with my physical symptoms. So hopefully I'm on my way out of my double crash & am living to fight another day!
I'm also trying out something that is suppose to help with a number of the CFS Symptoms - Vegetable Juicing! I will do a proper post regarding this, but for now I will say I'm on Day 5 of one juice a day & am feeling brighter in myself, so it's doing something!
Ok time for me to take a break for a little bit & have dinner before my brain shouts at me again!